Will we have regret in Heaven?
Part One
One of the reasons I started this ministry is to answer questions people might have about Christianity and the Bible. Over the past couple of weeks, a question has been raised that I thought might be fun, although challenging to answer. After reading a few weekly devotionals, the question was asked of me whether I believed that, as the devotional said, we would experience regret in heaven. To be honest, I had never really given it much thought, but figured this would be a good time to do so. This might be a lengthy post, so I might end up splitting it into several parts.
The Question
The question I was asked is, “How can we be in heaven rejoicing while we are thinking about the regrets of our lives?” That is a valid question. I asked why the person thought there would be no regrets in heaven and was given a few answers.
There will be no more tears in heaven.
To this person, regret is a sin.
Our sins will be remembered no more forever.
So, let’s begin by answering each one of these in turn.
No More Tears in Heaven
This idea comes from several verses in Scripture.
for the Lamb at the center of the throne will shepherd them and will guide them to springs of the water of life. And God will wipe every tear from their eyes. - Revelation 7:17, Legacy Standard Bible.
and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain. The first things passed away. - Revelation 21:4, LSB.
He will swallow up death for all time, And Lord Yahweh will wipe tears away from all faces, And He will remove the reproach of His people from all the earth; For Yahweh has spoken. - Isaiah 25:8, LSB.
I will also rejoice in Jerusalem and be joyful in My people; And there will no longer be heard in her The voice of weeping and the voice of crying. - Isaiah 65:19, LSB.
Here’s something worth noting about the wiping of tears image. If the redeemed enter into the new creation with no awareness of past sorrow at all, what tears would there be for God to wipe? There are some commentators, including Randy Alcorn in his book Heaven, who press this point exactly. The image these verses suggest, at a minimum, a moment of remembered grief that God personally addresses. Whether that’s a brief experience upon entry or an ongoing dynamic is where interpreters land in different places.
The strongest counter-reading to this idea is that the phrase “wipe every tear” is a metaphor for total eradication, similar to how we might say, “I’ll wipe that off the map,” without implying any type of process. Because both readings are textually defensible, there are thoughtful pastors who disagree on this. But there is another passage of Scripture that also can play into this idea.
Making All Things New
This passage is often used to bolster the argument that there will be no regrets in heaven.
For behold, I am creating a new heavens and a new earth; And the former things will not be remembered or come upon the heart. - Isaiah 65:17, LSB.
At first glance, Isaiah 65:17 looks like a serious obstacle. The Lord says he is creating new heavens and a new earth, and ‘the former things will not be remembered or come upon the heart.’ If that describes our final state, then it seems memory is precisely what we lose. But notice what comes three verses later.
No longer will there be in it an infant who lives but a few days, Or an old man who does not fulfill his days; For the youth will die at the age of one hundred, And the bone who does not reach the age of one hundred Will be thought accursed.
They will build houses and inhabit them; They will also plant vineyards and eat their fruit.
They will not build and another inhabit; They will not plant and another eat; For as the lifetime of a tree, so will be the days of My people, And My chosen ones will wear out the work of their hands. - Isaiah 65:20-22, LSB.
Verse 20 describes people still dying, even if they die at an extraordinary old age. That detail doesn’t fit Revelation 21:4, where God promises that death itself is no more. So Isaiah 65 doesn’t appear to map cleanly onto the consummated new creation John describes. Many interpreters take this paragraph to describe an intermediate stage of restoration rather than our final home, which means we should be cautious about reading verse 17 as the last word on whether memory survives into eternity.
Even if we grant that Isaiah 65 may describe a stage of restoration rather than our final home, people might still press the question. If God promises that “the former things shall not be remembered or come upon the heart” even in a preliminary stage, why would those memories suddenly reappear later? That’s a fair concern, and it deserves a careful answer.
The answer is found in how the Hebrew prophets often spoke. The phrase “not remembered” is a familiar idiom in Old Testament poetry, and it almost never means literal amnesia. We can see this clearly just a few chapters earlier. In Isaiah 43:18-19, God tells his people,
Do not remember the former things, Nor carefully consider things of the past.
Behold, I will do something new; Now it will spring forth; Will you not know it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the wasteland. - Isaiah 43:18-19, LSB.
I would imagine that nobody reads that verse and concludes God is commanding his people to develop a memory disorder. The phrase functions as a contrast. It tells us that what God is about to do will be so glorious, so overwhelming, so life-giving, that the old hardships of slavery and exile will no longer dominate the heart. The point is not erasure but eclipse. The new reality outshines the old.
When Isaiah 65:17 uses the same kind of language, we have good reason to read it the same way. The former things will not be “remembered” in the sense that they no longer wound us, no longer weigh on us, no longer define us. The sorrows of this present age will lose their grip. That’s a wonderful promise, and it doesn’t require us to believe that the people we loved, the lessons we learned, or the story God wrote in our lives will simply be wiped away. This is an idea that will be expounded upon in the second part of this post.
Is Regret a Sin?
Wow! Look at the time. I’ve got to go and hope you enjoyed reading... I am kidding, of course, but this is a difficult question in and of itself, not even tied to the larger context. So, let’s try to break this down.
Regret is one of the most common human experiences, but is it sinful in and of itself, or is regret part of how God heals sin? There has been some recent theological work on the idea of regret and how it relates to remorse and repentance. In his book Regret: A Theology, Paul J. Griffiths defines regret as simply “wishing things otherwise.”1 I think that many of us view regret in this way, but is the idea of regret actually more nuanced than that? Well, I believe that it is.
Simple Regret
Simple regret is sorrow over something bad that happened. Simple regret is not inherently sinful. For instance, I regret that I did not play football when I was younger. I also regret that I did not spend enough time with my son watching movies I love to ingrain that love of movies into him as well. Are those regrets sinful? No. It is simply that I wish I made different choices.
Agent Regret
We now move beyond just wishing things were different to the realm where it becomes even more personal. Agent regret says, “I was involved in what happened, even if I did not sin or intend to harm anyone.” An example for agent regret would be a doctor doing all they can to help a patient, but the patient getting worse or dying. The sorrow is connected to a person’s agency, or the capacity of individuals to act independently and make choices that shape their lives within the context of social structures.2 The sorrow here is connected to our agency, not necessarily our guilt.
As Christians living in a fallen world, we are finite creatures living in a fallen world. We are real agents, but we are not sovereign agents. We act, choose, influence, and bear responsibility, however many outcomes in our lives exceed our knowledge and control. We see this in Scripture.
13 Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.”
14 Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.
15 Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.” - James 4:13-15, LSB.
In this passage, James is warning against the presumptuous confidence many of us have about our future. Now, I am not saying that we shouldn’t make plans for our future at all, but that we should live our lives along the lines of verse 15. Proverbs even echoes this idea.
9 The heart of man plans his way, But Yahweh directs his steps. - Proverbs 16:9, LSB.
When it comes to simple regret and agent regret, these need not be sinful. But, are there other types of regret as well?
Lament
Now, let’s think about lament. A lament is grief brought before God. When we lament, we say, “This is grievous, painful, broken, or unbearable.” We don’t necessarily say, “God should have ordered reality differently.”
That difference matters. Lament is not the same as accusing God of wrongdoing. We see biblical lament that protests, weeps, questions, pleads, and waits, while still remaining addressed to God in faith. The Bible gives us many examples: Psalm 13, Psalm 22, Psalm 42, and Psalm 88. In addition, we have an entire book called Lamentations. We also see laments from Job, and from Jesus when He cries out from the cross: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46; Psalm 22:1).
When we think of the difference between lament and regret, in that lament is sorrow over the state of things, but not necessarily a type of regret, because it does not necessarily wish that things were otherwise.
So lament may be insufficient in some cases, but I don’t believe it is, in and of itself, sinful.
For example, if I have sinned, lamenting the sin alone is insufficient. If I merely say, “This is tragic,” it is not enough if I must also confess, repent, repair, and seek forgiveness. David does not merely lament after his sin with Bathsheba; he confesses:
“Against You, You only, I have sinned and done what is evil in Your sight, so that You are justified when You speak and pure when You judge.” - Psalm 51:4, LSB.
In that case, lament must deepen into repentance.
But when the object is a “lamentable” rather than a personal sin, such as death, sickness, injustice, disaster, betrayal, or persecution, lament may be exactly the Christian response that fits.
20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope
21 that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God.
22 For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now.
23 And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. - Romans 8:20-23, LSB.
Romans says creation itself “groans” under bondage to corruption, and believers groan inwardly as they await redemption. That groaning is not sin. That groaning is the sound of hope suffering under the conditions of the fall.
When we lament as Christians, we rest on two doctrines held together:
We must first remember that creation is good, so evil, death, and suffering are genuinely grievous. As Christians, we do not have to pretend that pain is fine. Jesus wept at Lazarus’s tomb even though He knew He would raise him. Now, I know there are other reasons why Jesus wept over the death of Lazarus as well, but that is another post for another time.
In addition to remembering that creation is good, we must also remember that God is sovereign and good, so our lament does not need to become a rebellion against God. Biblical lament speaks of pain to God, not away from God. It is grief in covenantal relationship.
When Regret and Lament Become Sinful
We have covered a little about regret and lament. So now, let’s try to put it all together. A lament says, “This is grievous before God,” and is fitting when we experience suffering, loss, injustice, or death. Regret says, “I wish this had not happened,” and is fitting when we experience bad outcomes, especially ones from our past. These two can lead us into repentance, which says, “I have sinned. Lord, forgive and change me.” We usually repent when we feel personal guilt. These are perfectly normal emotions we feel. The problem is when we go further.
One thing we can begin to do when we are feeling hurt is that we begin to complain against God. We say, “God has done wrong.” This can be dangerous, especially when we falsely accuse God. This is where I want to slow down because I think this is where many Christians get tangled up.
Here is the tension. If you read through the Psalms, you will quickly notice that Biblical lament can sound a lot like complaint. Psalm 13 opens with:
How long, O Yahweh? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? - Psalm 13:1, LSB.
Habakkuk begins his prophecy by crying out:
How long, O Yahweh, will I call for help, And You will not hear? I cry out to You, “Violence!” Yet You do not save. - Habakkuk 1:2, LSB.
Psalm 88, which is perhaps the darkest chapter in the Bible, ends with an unresolved sorrow with this line:
You have removed lover and friend far from me; My acquaintances are in darkness. - Psalm 88:18, LSB.
There is no resolution, no triumphant turn at the end. The psalm just stops in the dark.
If verses like these are inspired Scripture, given to us by God for our instruction, then clearly there is a kind of intense, even desperate cry that is not sinful. So how do we tell the difference between faithful lament and sinful complaint?
Well, the distinction is not really about volume or intensity. A person who weeps loudly before God is not automatically sinning and a person who quietly seethes in their heart is not automatically faithful. The distinction is about posture. Specifically, two things mark faithful lament.
First, faithful lament is still addressed to God. The psalmist in Psalm 13 is not talking about God to someone else. He is talking TO God. Habakkuk does not write off the Lord and walk away. He stands in front of God and asks his hard question. Even Jesus, in the darkest moment of human history, cried out from the cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” in Matthew 27:46. The cry is sharp, but it is still a cry to His father.
Second, faithful lament remains in covenant with God. The lamenter still belongs to God, still trusts in God enough to bring the pain to him, and still believes that God is the One who can answer even when no answer has yet to come. The Psalms of Lament are honest, but they are not abandonment. They are the words of someone who is still holding on even when holding on hurts.
Sinful complaint, on the other hand, has a different posture. It is not a cry to God so much as a verdict against him. It does not say, “Lord, I do not understand, and I am hurting.” It says, “God has wronged me, and I am justified in turning away.” The grumbling of Israel in the wilderness in Numbers 11 and 14 is a good example of this. They were not bringing their pain before the Lord in trust. They were accusing him of cruelty for delivering them, longing to return to slavery in Egypt, and rejecting his provision. This is a very different posture from David in Psalm 13.
What I want to say is that if you’re reading this and your prayer has sounded a lot more like Psalm 13 than like a polished worship song, please hear me and know that this is not a sin. This is the language of God’s people throughout Scripture. The fact that you’re still talking to Him, still bringing your sorrow to His feet, and still asking the hard questions in His presence is itself an act of faith. You have not crossed a line. You are walking the same path the psalmist and Jesus walked.
The line is crossed, not when we cry out loudly but when we turn away. It is crossed when lament turns into accusation, and then accusation hardens into despair. When we are in despair, we say, “There is no hope.” This is contrary to everything Christians believe because we know there is hope, and that hope is found in Jesus Christ.
So, to wrap this section up, we can say that regret or agent regret can be a morally appropriate sorrow that we have over bad outcomes, including harms that we might have caused or participated in without sinning. Regret and agent regret reflect the seriousness of human agency in a fallen world. This does not mean that it is automatically guilt, and should not be treated as repentance unless an actual sin was committed.
Lament is grief over what is broken, painful, or tragic before God. It does not have to involve wishing that God’s providence were otherwise. However, in some cases, it may include a longing that the painful event had not occurred. Lament can be incomplete if repentance, action, justice, or repair is required on our part, but lament in itself is not sinful. In Scripture, we see that lament is often an act of faith. Christian lament can grieve the event while still submitting to God’s wisdom and goodness.
As Christians, we see that regret recognizes the tragedy of harmful outcomes. Lament brings that tragedy before God. Repentance is required only where sin is present. And hope refuses to let sorrow become despair.
Now, I know that in this first post, I have not answered the question of whether we will have regret in heaven. It’s just too large a question to address in a single post. So, in the next post, I will answer that third statement from above that says our sins will be remembered no more forever, and talk about whether or not we will actually have regret in heaven
Paul J. Griffiths, Regret : A Theology, Notre Dame: University of Notre Dame Press, 2021: xii.